The Pusher

Lying together after lackluster sex,
two hedonists using each other
for cheap and fleeting thrills,
we smoke cigarettes you stole
from the gas station counter
after charming the cashier
with your lightless smile
and counterfeit warmth.

Cancerous clouds curl
along the too-close walls,
blur what little gray light
struggles through the window
as you talk about
some future I cringe from
even envisioning

for this so-called relationship
based on what amounts
to drunken mistakes
and my inability to say no
to your sweet sweet drugs:

I don’t think I can have
a serious relationship with you
unless you
can open
your heart
to Christ.

Didn’t We Fly

didn’t we fly
that chill autumn day
escaped from apple picking
to smoke secret cigarettes in the woods
on a rough dirt road to nowhere

when a half dozen boys
came on rumbling bikes
asked if we wanted
to go for a ride

we should have known better
and run for our lives
but we grinned at each other
and got on behind

and didn’t we fly

didn’t we fly
with the wind in our hair
and the sky whirling by
trailing shrieking laughter

my cheek pressed against
his warm farm boy back
arms holding tight
like I was in love
maybe just for that moment I was

didn’t we fly

didn’t we fly
that chill autumn day
now I’m older and wiser
and you’ve gone away
but I will always remember you
and that perfectly dangerous
beautiful day

didn’t we fly?

 

 

For Dawn Davis

Capture

(A little end of summer poem.)

On the last day of vacation,
sunburned and windswept,
I rushed down to the beach
with an empty bottle
to capture a piece of sea.

I crammed sand and tiny shells
through the opening,
filled the empty space with seawater,
hoping as we drove away
when I missed this place
I could open it,
return to that
delirious infinity,
the rush of light
sound and movement
more wonderful
than anything I’d ever seen.

Of course it was a lost cause:
Grand things diminish
in confined spaces,
both children and the sea.

End of Summer

Even though we are still in limbo regarding my stepdad, it’s been a wonderful summer. It’s the first since I had kids that I got to be home with them, and we’ve been too busy enjoying ourselves for me to write much. Even though we’re moderately broke, we’ve found plenty of fun things to do…trips to the science museum, skipping around between all the excellent library branches, visiting parks when it’s not too hot, swimming, art exhibits, museums, caverns, visits to and from family, playdates…

My daughter starts school next week and both my son and I will be seriously bummed without her around every day.  I let her have an end-of-summer sleepover with three friends last weekend; her first one ever. I nearly lost my sanity, but she and her friends had a good time. 😉 

I finally went to the doctor and dentist on my new insurance, and I’m working on fixing all the minor health problems I’ve been having: migraines, low iron, vertigo…the doctor tried to hook me up with a therapist, but at this point finding a babysitter to cover appointments sounds more stressful than therapy sounds helpful. A therapist isn’t going to be able to do anything about the uncertainty of the stepdad situation anyway. If he goes to trial I’m going to go to support Mom.

For now, I have a first birthday party to attend for my great-niece soon, and a visit to Mom’s to plan in September. I can’t wait until the weather cools down so I can take Rory on hikes, too. There’s still a lot to explore in our new city.