This morning, when I answered the wails of my feral cat friend Jiji and opened the door with her food, I was pleasantly surprised to see Panda – Feline Man-Whore Extraordinaire – whom I’ve been trying to trap during feral cat drop-off hours.

He usually comes by in the afternoon when it’s too late to get him, and I don’t want to keep him in my garage overnight, because he will totally piss up the place.

I had my trap out already, trying to get the cats used to it, so I armed and baited it with a plate of tasty sardines.

My first challenge was keeping Jiji out of the sardines. This is strange, because Jiji typically hates fish. But when she sees Panda going after fish, apparently it takes on the delectable flavor of Something That Other Cat Wants. So I had to shoo her out of the trap a few times and get her to settle down with her own food.

Panda was hungry. He made moves toward Jiji’s food, but thought better of it, having had his ass handed to him several times on that front. He licked the juice out of the sardine can.

He went all around the trap and found the entrance. He started to go in. This is when I got excited. I was going to get him! Finally! An end to his spotted little bastards scattered around the neighborhood!

He went up to the plate. He put his toes on the edge of it. And then – because silly human, cats are made of liquid! – he stretched his neck just far enough to snatch a sardine and GTFO.

I may have literally threw a stomping fit and if Panda could understand English, he’d know he was called many creative names.

He went back in for fish #2 (I only put two, because if you overfeed them before they have anesthesia, it can choke them at worst, and create a total vomit-fest in your car at best). Maybe he’d spring the trap this time, I thought, since this fish was a little farther away.

Nope. He just stretched a little farther.

I gave up and cleaned up and called him a little fish-snatching bastard.

I’ll try again next week, and this time I’ll chop the fish. I’m also going to ask around if I can borrow a bigger trap, because this is a long cat. I didn’t realize how long until he stretched himself from one end of a raccoon-sized wildlife trap to the other.

Panda 1, Human 0.

In other news, another feral – New for 2021! – is pregnant (I named her Two Dolla Ho after I saw her lounging on the steps with both the neighborhood toms) and I didn’t catch her when she was just sort of pregnant. She’s probably going to drop those kittens soon, I’m hoping in someone else’s yard, and I’d bet my spay-neuter vouchers at least one will be black and white spotted.

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